Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Great Canadian Hero, Eh?

I'll admit, this post is more or less inspired by Canadian Twilight and Redneck Vampires. I wanted to post something for Canada Day, you see*, and came up with three options. The first, Great Canadian Scientists and Discoveries, and the second, Great Canadian SF Authors, both struck me as kind of dull and kind of done before, and what could I add, anyway? But the third, oh, the third…

If you're not aware already, one of the main ways Canadians show patriotism is not by drinking beer and watching hockey, or by wearing plaid flannel in an igloo. It's by making fun of ourselves. We're quite good at it. We're also good at understatement.

So, without further ado:

The Canadian Superhero

  • He (or she) doesn't need a mask. He already has a balaclava for winters, and everyone pretends they don't know who he is.
  • When he catches a criminal in the act, he announces himself with, "How's it going, eh?"
  • Every time he injures someone in a fight, he apologizes. Afterwards, he either takes them to the hospital or visits them there.
  • His colours aren't red and white, and his symbol isn't a maple leaf. He doesn't want people to think he supports the government, even if he does.
  • For those long nights of work, he gets his coffee at Timmies. He knows all the staff by name, and none of them ever mention the costume.
  • He knows just enough French for witty banter, and to read food labels.
  • His headquarters is either his garage, his basement, or his cabin. Why go to the effort of building something new?
  • He doesn't mind being heroic during football, soccer, baseball, or basketball season, but he won't go out when there's a hockey game on. Or curling.
  • He doesn't brag, and is actually a little embarrassed when the media mentions him.
  • He doesn't switch to his official winter costume until it's at least -10°C three days in a row.
  • The Canadamobile has winter tires and an attachable snowplow.
  • He thinks nothing of wading through snowdrifts in pursuit of justice. Standard winter, and all that.
  • His archnemesis is American. Canadians are too polite to be evil.
  • In the presence of his archnemesis, he plays up the accent, just to annoy him.
  • Rick Mercer has parodied him. 
  • He's either Canadaman or Benton Fraser.

Feel free to add to the list.

Also, if you're not aware, and you're probably not, the protagonist of my current WIP is a superhero. Who lives in Canada.** (I mentioned liking superheroes somewhere, didn't I?) 

*I know it's not till tomorrow, but I don't post on Thursdays.
** He's not the only Canadian hero. There's Wolverine, of course, but also the members of Alpha FlightCaptain CanuckJohnny Canuck, and Nelvana of the Northern Lights. I had to mention them, for thoroughness' sake.

1 comment:

Angela Ackerman said...

BWAHAHAHA! Love the hospital one.


Angela @ The Bookshelf Muse